Rebirth

Horror stories obviously abound in the hospital. What with souls leaving for the hereafter every once in a while it comes as no surprise that a few reluctant dissenters would hang around a bit just to haunt the ones left behind. Mortuary maidens dripping with blood, elevator ethereals flipping the floors...

You get all sorts here.

With quite a few of the urban legends tweaked and exaggerated to scare the newer employees to the hospital during the late hours of the night shift :)

Then every once in a while, some of the stories actually do come true.

Heard the one where a grandmother dies right before her grandchild is born?


Maybe if they hate the baby, I can have it!
Well it actually happened just yesterday. Turns out the mother is being wheeled into the delivery room just as the grandmother falls into a deathly swoon in the waiting room. To cut the story short, CPR is commenced - *huff huff puff puff* - only to be followed by the inevitable, terrifyingly conclusive beep of death.

Only to have the newborn babe draw breath several rooms down the hall.

Paul : OMG We are in the set of a freaking movie.
Nurse : What do you mean?
Paul : This old lady just died. A baby - her grandchild - is just born!
Nurse : Poor baby would be cursed by the unforgiving relatives!
Paul : But think about it! It could be reincarnation at work. The granny has come back as the grandbaby.
Nurse : Eek. That's creepy!
Paul : Yes. A movie called Operation Rebirth!
Nurse : Hope the relatives think like you!
Paul : If they wanna hate the newborn baby, they can bloody well leave the baby with me.

Really hope no one blames the innocent babe. Not that I believe in reincarnation entirely but surely there is something to be said about returning to try again. Always believed that one lifetime surely isn't enough for all of us to correct our past mistakes after all.

And it saves so much on botox and knee replacements.

The Oldest DVD Pirate Ever

A conversation you certainly wouldn't find out of place in any of the local night markets in town.

Pirate : You should watch this! Very good.
Paul : Is it clear already?
Pirate : Yes very clear. Good subtitles as well.
Paul : Historical drama! Looks a bit heavy for me though. Prefer something lighter.
Pirate : Oh wait, I have! Don't go away!
Paul : Like where would I go?
Pirate : Try this situational comedy. Very funny! Romantic as well.
Paul : Cute actors?
Pirate : Very! Take take the dvd.
Paul : One is more than enough.
Pirate : Try this as well. You take one, I give you another as well!

Despite the draconian local authorities desperately trying to clamp down on such illegal activities, it's an exchange you wouldn't find uncommon here between our local dvd pirates and the customers here. Rather than a makeshift stall by the sidelanes, some of the more enterprising dvd peddlers - mostly mainland Chinese traders - have taken to the streets with their goods stored in giant canvas bags.

Having such portable stalls also makes it handy to make a quick escape when the authorities come checking.


Grandma : You brought a friend! And he speaks Mandarin!
Paul : Yes, but you still can't sell him dvds.
Except the conversation above was between me and my grandmother. Armed with a reusable canvas bag full of dvds and a slick sales spiel, my grandmother hobbled to my table eager to sell her wares. Turns out extreme boredom from a lack of work ( my cousins have banned the octogenarian from household chores ) and recently regained vision ( from her harrowing cataract surgeries ) has given her a new lease of life when it comes to the entire television experience.

Grandma has found cheap dvds again - specializing in historical Chinese dramas in Mandarin - and isn't likely to be parted from it anytime soon. Unfortunately the speech is quick and the subtitles are few, so I definitely won't be watching with her anytime soon.

Though I do think we need to find her a new hobby before the authorities haul her in for illegal dvd peddling.

My Friend The Spy

Loyalty to the company?

An old-fashioned quality in the trusted salarymen in decades past if you judge by the current situation in the cut-throat world of business and finance. With everyone looking out for their own, to jump or not to jump doesn't seem to be the painful dilemma it used to be. The young, well-heeled executives of today are quite willing to trade offices for the right terms in their agreement.


The Man with the Golden Gun
About a month ago, even Lanky Lex - who generally takes about a year or so to make an important life-changing decision - made the terrifying leap. Signed away the next couple of years of his life in a split-second - a far shorter time than he took to decide on what shirt to wear that very morning!

Lex : I'm finally quitting!
Paul : Finally!
Lex : And I will be working for an information and consultancy company.
Paul : Industrial espionage?
Lex : Not a spy. I'll be gathering information and sending them to the right sources.
Paul : You're a spy. How thrilling!
Lex : Not a spy!
Paul : What do spies do? Gather intelligence and disseminate.
Lex : Yes.
Paul : You're a spy!
Lex : Information and consultancy!
Paul : Aww. You can pretty it up all you want but you're still a spy!
Lex : Information and consultancy!
Paul : Can I call you Comrade Lex, my spy friend?

Seriously. Isn't information and consultancy a fancy name for a spy network?

Wonder if he even knows what he's getting into! Next we'll probably see Lex in a black leather catsuit shimmying up the glass walls of a neighbouring skyscraper to gather intel from his rival company! Wonder if they need a maniacal boss to stroke the company cat. I've already got the evil laugh down pat!

Chasing Cabi

With a blazing summer clearly striding in around the corner, it's just about time some of us started hitting the gym hard! Speedos and trunks coming out for the lazy days by the beach, all the better to show off the much-vaunted six-pack abs that has everyone drooling in envy.

With my fatal love affair with scrumptiously fried delicacies ( what bloody transfats! ), I've long accepted that as an impossible dream for myself a long time ago. Just to avoid a jiggling potbelly is enough of a desired goal for me.

Obviously not the case for a friend I've dubbed Bibimbap Ben - called him that due to the uncanny likeness our pretty fair-skinned fellow shares with several Korean popstars. For the past few months, he has had one really important personal ambition. Goals and objectives all marked in a folder he has dubbed Cabi for entirely obvious reasons seen in the video clip below.


Don't think Ben has any ambitions of running slow-mo on the beach in red swimtrunks but he certainly wouldn't mind looking like a hot lifeguard.

Paul : You already look pretty good la.
Ben : I wanna look better! Cabi cabi!
Paul : So that's your daily mantra to starve and workout?
Ben : Have it playing non-stop on my mp3 player.
Paul : You do know the korean stars are probably locked up in a gym with only a cube of cheese to sustain themselves everyday?
Ben : Lock me up!
Paul : Don't tempt me.
Ben : I need to do 600 sit-ups a day to get six-pack abs!
Paul : That would come up to about 10 every half hour! When would you find the time to sleep?

All the luck in the world to him :)


Take a look at my abs!
No denying the Korean boys look really good in skinny slacks - and even skinnier jeans! But to maintain such an slim, willowy figure just to show off those well-defined abs, I wouldn't be surprised if they are half-starved with malnutrition all the time! Add that to the crazy workouts and I wonder if the boys faint half the time. Maybe they really are locked up by their talent managers and allowed out only for concerts, fan signings and spa treatments!

Obviously not easy being a Korean popstar! Endless trips to the gym? Skinless chicken breasts and salads for meals all the time? Seriously admire their unwavering dedication! Wonder if waving a dripping slab of bulgogi in front of a boyband would raise a stampede.

Domestic Drama of Dumplings

Like all Chinese festivals, Duanwu Festival 端午节 has a dish specially made just for the occasion. Sticky rice dumplings are traditionally eaten this time of year to commemorate the death of a famous poet ( patriotic? ) who was said to have drowned himself from grief. Supposedly the dumplings are meant to distract the hungry fishes from taking a bite from his corpse.

At least that's what they say.

Whether that's true or not, the tradition certainly lives on. For some reason though, every one of my relatives seems to have gotten on the dumpling bandwagon this year. Perhaps I missed an issue of the family newsletter talking about a competition but there's certainly no short supply of dumplings! Heck, even my newly married cousin made a small batch for all to try. Enough dumplings on the table to make up for the fact that the original master chef - my grandmother - has recently retired from the rank and file, obviously tired from wrapping all those endless pandan leaves around the glutinous rice.

Sitting idle isn't her style though. My grandmother always needs to have her greedy little hands in some sort of pie after all.

And there's nothing like a bit of familial gossip. For the past few months, the entire family has been keeping a secret from her. Their own version of 'She Can't Handle The Truth!' Apparently the startling news of my slacker uncle's rumoured infidelity would cause the tottering octogenarian to slip into a deathly swoon that could prove fatal. At least that's what I gather from the nervous whispers when my uncles and aunts get together.


Spinning a web of lies?
But let's be serious here. Revolution, famine and cancer failed to deter this woman - and they expect a teensy lil rumour to stagger her?

Foolishness. But I digress.

The wily old lady knows something's afoot - and she obviously knows who to ask for such clandestine information. Which is why I found her joining me for breakfast at my table while I finished my dumpling.

Grandma : Are you married yet?
Paul : Did you attend my wedding?
Grandma : I gather that's a no.
Paul : Mail order brides are hard to find these days.
Grandma : Hmmph. So have your seen you uncle lately?
Paul : I'm way across the Big Puddle. You've probably seen him more than me.
Grandma : Does he seem sad to you?
Paul : Does he seem sad to you?
Grandma : Does he?
Paul : What do you think?
Grandma : I think he does. Do you know why?
Paul : You know digging for information doesn't work on me.
Grandma : Hmmph.

It didn't take me all that long to turn the tables on her. Obviously I've learned some tricks of my own. Seems my grandmother has already known all along about my uncle's extramarital relations. Not shocked. Not saddened. Certainly no keeling over with clenched fist clutched painfully to the chest.

Nothing that dramatic. Just a matter-of-fact nod with a sigh. Which she punctuated with a bite of my dumpling.