The Gay Virus

An interesting article in one of the leading newspapers here had me pondering the writer's rather refreshing views on homosexuality in Malaysia. This is what he says when questioned about his book on tantric sex.

How can it be published in a country that is so sexually uptight that it views homosexuality as a threat to the nation. Incidentally, I have never quite figured out how a gay minister is a greater threat to the nation than a corrupt minister.

Seriously, I always wonder what the deeply conservative section of the nation is thinking? We have all heard about how allowing gays to exist would lead to a serious decline in the moral values - and therefore lead to the downfall of the nation. How they would rather flip over and die rather than have a gay minister.

Really? Do we truly stand on such weak ground that a tiny gay minority ( I seriously refuse to believe there is as many as 10%... it's probably less ) can lead to such depravity and licentiousness that the whole nation would fall into the immoral abyss? Are the straight men so weak in their sexual identities that a fag slinking by with a feather boa would tempt them to lose control? Or do they believe that homosexuality is really a disease - perhaps even a rampant viral infection that would lead to a radical mutation in the chromosomes leading to a change in their sexual identities upon contact? Hell, if that were true, I'd be much too busy converting gorgeous straight men ( ie Chris Evans - hell, I might as well start with the best ) into the pretty pink fold to write this blog.

And the question of a gay minister? Anything wrong with that? Is it possible they believe that a gay minister would be far too limp-wristed and too involved with the colour of his tie ( hopefully matching the decor in hallowed parliamnent ) to field questions on socio-political issues? Or perhaps far too busy fornicating in the mindless orgies gay men are infamous for ( if so, why am I not invited! ).

Sure they might deem it an affront against their religion - and I wouldn't fault them for it since a large number of religious doctrines still frown on sweaty man-on-man action. Taking a throbbing 12 incher up the arse does seem a little crazy sometimes - and let's face it, unnatural. After all, the fornicating homos in Sodom were still drowned in an act of God for whatever reasons. But hell, am I inviting them to join in? Have I sent fliers to little children to buy tickets to the event? Are there packs of wild, orgiastic gay men hunting the grounds of the mosques and churches trying to draw the poor innocent priests and imams into their wicked, licentious embrace?

Seriously. What are they thinking?

A loaded pistol

Each time I think I'm a conservative, boring, dull stick-in-the-mud ( who's approaching 30 ), something comes along to shake me out of that depressing thought. My ISO calls it my psychotic breaks.

Kinda like the famed melatah in Malay ( and Peranakan ) culture, an unusual condition that is restricted to a specific ethnicity or culture - somewhat linked to societal repression. Simply put, a lifetime of repression makes them burst out suddenly in unusual, nonsensical phrases when they're shocked or amazed. Seriously, it's hard to explain without seeing for yourself what melatah is. Would recommend going up to a Nyonya girl and surprising her with a whack on the back - and she might give a reasonable rendition of melatah but you might also get a surprisingly mean right hook in return.

But I digress. What I meant was my psychotic breaks happen every once in a while when I do the oddest things known to man. Like cackling aloud during dull, boring meetings. Like throwing my ISO's handphone out the window when I was talking to him - still kinda a sore point but hell, he has plenty of new cellphones! Good God.
I am actually revealing way too many bad points about myself but any future boyfriends need not say that they hadn't been forewarned :) Bear with me, I do have some good points.

What I did today was confront.. no, it wasn't Big Bicep Barry but poor innocent Handsome Hui. He's cute, he's single, he doesn't have a girlfriend to speak of - and he has a multitude of photos in his cellphone - all male, suspiciously enough. There have been rumours going around the hospital grapevine about who's carrying a pink passport - obviously wouldn't surprise me if I am one of them but I never actually figured out who the rest were and no one was ready to tell me ( since hell, I am a suspected homo.. ). But after some clever finagling, I found out and I had to confront him about it.

A normal guy would ease into the loaded question into the conversation, slowly sliding in a few feelers and some cunning innuendoes. The fresh anaesthestic gases must have had an effect on me - or my insane curiosity must have possessed me - because I accosted him in the men's changing room while he was practically half-naked, shoved him against the wall and asked him flat out.

After my burst of testosterone, I believe the poor boy's still picking up his jaw from the floor. No reply yet but he is definitely getting a thong.

Pure disbelief

Something a colleague said today stunned me. Chilled me to the core.

It was during our regular sushi session and I had my mouth half full of sashimi and green tea - which almost came spewing out when Silent Sally suddenly blurted out that she actually didn't believe in marriage. Needless to say it had me, Shameless Shalom and Handsome Hui all gaping in astonisment.



Is that even possible? It could have been easily explained away as the gripe of a desperate and frustrated singleton but she sounded so calm and sincere - and there wasn't even a shred of doubt in her voice. I know what you're gonna say but there were no broken marriages in her past - or in her family - that I knew of. BTW, Silent Sally is another new member of the posse. A cool, calm, cucumberish gal with no nerves to speak of. Don't tell anyone ( especially the Star Trek gang ) but I actually suspect she might be a Borg in disguise.

Amazed me since marriage has always been on my mind. Perhaps a little too much these days especially with the deluge of invitations this week. Although I have had a failed relationship in my past ( damn! ), the very institution of marriage is still pretty much sacred in my mind. Simply can't help it since I've been brought up to treat a marriage ( or in our case, a lifelong commitment / domestic partnership / whatever-we're-calling-it ) as something wonderful, something we should all strive for. Certainly not something I'd turn my back on for a quick one-night-stand no matter how hot the guy might be - not even for Chris Evans and that's saying a lot :)

So for those against marriage - especially gay ones, check this out! Reading it makes you want to run out, grab the closest available single gay man ( not so easy to find after all ) and rush towards the closest commitment ceremony provider.

A Bree wannabe

Perhaps I might have scared some of you guys with my earlier post about my borderline psychotic completionist tendencies. It's true unfortunately... I need my books to match - and I need a complete set. I have two pillows for each design that matches. I have matching dinner sets - and always have this urge to toss the whole set out if I break a single plate. :)

Let me make a full confession since it's been a few months since I've done the whole good Catholic confessional thing. That's not my only weird, kooky trait. Right now, I have already started compiling my Christmas list and I've already bought half of the gifts. Is that terribly anal or what? Then I'll spend half a day looking for matching cards and wrapping paper - like what's Jungle Jack's favourite colour? Does Veggie Vanitha like recycled wrapping? Don't even get me started on the buttons and bows.

Weird but true. But for any future suitors out there... surely you can excuse these little idiosyncrasies :) I'm working on them, trying to break the habit. Really! I won't make straighten his collar or spit-shine his hair. Really.

Still, I have to say that men are surprisingly difficult to shop for. Not sure what to get the guy who has everything - my ISO - since what he wants, he'll already buy. Kinda like me actually so I'm pretty notorious in being difficult to shop for since I shop so much ( it's a disease! ). Already gotten some stuff for my brother and my sister-in-law. Some of my cousins. Even my movie posse...Shameless Shalom is getting a lovely image of the Madonna from Turkey. Handsome Hui gets a teeny tee - the better to show off his youthful bod. Not sure if I should get something for Big Bicep Barry.. what should I get? A barbell for him? A skimpy tanktop for him ( but probably inostensibly for me )?

...

Still, I managed to find the time to write something new for my Bedtime Stories site - still needs a lil tweaking but it's readable. Have a draft ready for the Marine story too but that will take a few more days.

Falling sky

After catching the hilarious movie ( that simply cannot be missed!! ), someone got me a cute lil Happy Meal Chicken Little toy without realizing my prevailing obsession ( and my fatal weakness, alas! ) - and now, I simply cannot rest until I have the whole collection! Can't help it. I'm a completist. Is there even such a word for a compulsion to finish a set for no particular reason?

Doubt poor Big Bicep Barry knew that he was feeding one of my crazy compulsions when he got me the chicken. He was actually a little perplexed on what I intended to do with the kid's toy since he's more of an adult than me - while I still have a whimsical kid in me. :) The man actually stared at the toy for a full five seconds as I raved maniacally over it.

Guess he's starting to be my enabler. Now I'll have to haunt McDonald's for the next little while - and damn, what would that do for my so-called diet?