Monday, July 13, 2015

Treasure of the Borgias

Honestly - though I would have easily scoffed at such a ridiculous notion barely a year back - I am starting to believe that the Borgias actually do have treasure buried under their family compound. Till now their blue-eyed boy Charming Calvin has explicitly refused to confirm or deny my growing suspicions.

Otherwise why the incessant need to fortify and safeguard their premises? Surely at least a couple of diamonds and pearls. Maybe a spectacularly jewelled tiara or two? A missing Rembrandt perhaps?

Or some clandestine family horror like a hellish pet demon that needs constant supervision?

Father : Always remember the family motto, Benedicta! Heed my words well!
Benedicta : What is it, father?
Father : Leave Not the House Unguarded!

Ever since I've known Calvin, his family has always had a particularly paranoid obsession over their barricaded fortress. Father Borgia especially can never ever bear to leave their mighty Forteresse de Borgia alone for more than a flash, preferring to have at least a sentinel, or ten, guard the precious premises when they are away. Leave Not The House Unguarded indeed!

Calvin : Could you send me to my sister Benedicta's chateau this evening? 
Paul : You're paying her a visit? 
Calvin : She has gone south to stay with her belle mere. 
Paul : So you're going to an empty chateau? What for? 
Calvin : No, I need to secure the chateau after a recent housebreaking. 
Paul : Oh dear! When? 
Calvin : Almost a year now. 
Paul : What?
Calvin : The Borgias don't take any chances so we always make sure the chateau is kept under surveillance. Even Forteresse de Borgia always has custodians to watch over it. 
Paul : So that the Ark of the Covenant isn't wrested away from the family? 
Calvin : What? 

Exactly what they do to secure the household, I have no idea. Since they are the Borgias, perhaps set elaborate traps for any wandering vagabonds? Or maybe Calvin stands watch on the roof of the chateau the entire night with a loaded rifle in hand ready to take them down?

Undoubtedly the rise in crime has me a little worried but to post a sentry at my door all the time even when I'm away is a bit... much. Never ever leaving Netherfield for more than a handful of hours just to prevent break-ins? Wouldn't that be just a tad extreme? Unless there are boundless treasures buried right underneath the floors.

An intriguing thought.

Since Calvin can neither confirm nor deny! No doubt one of these days I shall head over to the Forteresse in the wee hours of the morning with shovel in hand.

1 comment:

zerachiel said...

don't forget to bring along metal detector...