Thursday, April 16, 2015

Where The Bears Are

Sometimes I simply cannot fathom the circuitous thought processes of other people.

Previously I mentioned the unequitable crush that Diffident David had on our resident panda Grizzylocks. Rather than nip it in the bud as we would on any of his hopelessly straight crushes, we did our best to encourage David's nascent feelings to blossom since Grizz was at the very least wildly homosexual. Though our single-minded Grizz seemed to be wholly into grizzly bears, at least there was a faint glimmer of hope there.

Rather than none with a straight fellow.

However what we didn't expect was how fast the winsome bud turned into a freaking Rafflesia bloom!

Really. Love on fast forward. It took barely days after his tentative announcement to have David already head-over-heels deep in his crush wetdreaming about that grizzly prince of his. And that was way, way before the two near strangers have even shared five multisyllabic words in between them. Much less exchanged bodily fluids.

Here we are whispering about maybe, perhaps, possibly asking for a date - and our lovestruck David's already crafting an entire Bollywood song-and-dance. Talk about a runaway train. Apparently love at first sight doesn't only happen in sappy overblown Disney romances.

With wifi-connected technological devices easily at hand, it didn't take our David all that long to obsessively cyberstalk his chosen prey. The better to know his bear prince after all. Since I'd already scouted out Grizz online to determine his sexual proclivities, I couldn't very well blame him for doing pretty much the same.

But what we both concluded after the furious web investigation turned out to be entirely dissimilar.

David : I'm terribly sad. 
Paul : Suddenly!
David : Yes. Grizz has so many friends. 
Paul : Now isn't that nice? 
David : But he has so many friends!
Paul : What's your point? 
David : He already has so many friends! Oh why would he want me!
Paul : I did not see that coming. 

Really I didn't.

Honestly someone tell me how does his perplexing brain work? I don't know how the fact that affable Grizz has bear packs perpetually surrounding him like a grizzly entourage translates into not wanting to have a date with David. Even the number of friends on Grizz's Facebook - supposedly in the upper hundreds, both male and female - intimidates our oddly timid fellow.

I bet he has lots of friends. 

Somehow David magically turned simple gregariousness into a sore point. Perhaps he envisions being horrifically mauled by raging bears in raunchy black leather for daring to approach their prince?

1 comment:

zerachiel said...

as a doctor,i'm sure you would agree that emotions are linked towards a person's health,and that unnecessary sadness and stress could cause bad things to a person's well being, sorry i have to go off topic here,but i feel it's somehow related to what you have posted...

could you do me a favour ? please punch David right on his face,tell him he's effing good looking, there are so many effing good things about him, give another punch on his face and remind him that there are millions of good looking gay guys out there, and it's not the effing end...

tell him to take good care of his health, because David has a friend who's seriously worried about his goddamm health...and that friend seriously feels like punching David's face right seriously, i ain't kidding...