Monday, March 09, 2015


Once upon a time in a small village not so very far away there was an apothecary's apprentice named Cinderfella.

Allegedly mistreated, mishandled and misunderstood by all who knew him - the atrocious chief apothecary especially, the poor boy found but little solace from everything around him - till one fine morning when he was delivering a medicinal poultice to a sick villager, Cinderfella saw a notice being put up in the village square announcing a royal ball for the prince's birthday.

Might I say his heart skip a beat?

Oh my is that my Prince Charming? Is he going to rescue me from my life of misery? 

It didn't take the apothecary's apprentice very long to start wishin', prayin' and hopin'. Yes, you see the apprentice had seen the burly young prince once from afar. Oh, so fine and noble the prince was riding his brilliant red carriage to the castle, and so very far from his own lowly miserable station.

Cinderfella : Oh he could never love me. Such a terrible creature like me. 
Godfather : But why would you say that?
Cinderfella : Why fairy godfather!
Godfather : Yes, you shall go to the ball! And find your prince. 
Cinderfella : But I can't!
Godfather : Why not? 
Cinderfella : He's so much better than me! He's a prince. He speaks well. He sings. He enjoys good food. 
Godfather : He still puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. 
Cinderfella : I have nothing to wear!
Godfather : Well I shall make an enchanting bespoke suit from silky gossamer threads spun by ink-black spiders in the light of a full moon. 
Cinderfella : But will that make him notice me? What if he doesn't? What if he does? What if the suit is too bright? What if the pants are too tight? What if I break the shoes?
Godfather : And how would that be a problem? 
Cinderfella : What if he doesn't love me? What if I'm not his type? What if he only likes burly bears like himself? What if he leaves me with my heart broken? 
Godfather : What ifs! Pish posh, my dear. Now do you perhaps have a coconut to turn into a carriage?
Cinderfella : What if the coconut breaks down? What if his friends hate me? 
Godfather : Hmm. 
Cinderfella :  What if he - wait, fairy godfather where are you going?
Godfather : You're too much for a first assignment, I'm heading next door to find an easier target for the makeover. Perhaps you have a wicked stepbrother around? 

Almost impossible to find a happily-ever-after in this real life scenario.

Poor Cinderfella and his self-defeating what ifs. So preoccupied with how exceptionally perfect the prince is to try. So busy obsessing over everything that could possibly go wrong that he daren't make any moves. Seriously boys, faint heart never won fair laddie - so you don't get to walk off into the sunset with the prince if you keep finding ways not to.

Really, what if a flying meteor falls to the earth right on the prince?

No doubt if his childfood friend Cinderella had done the same moping over her similarly miserable fate rather than step into that enchanted glass slipper, she would still be communing with her mousy companions in the back kitchen. Instead she grabbed those damned shoes, ran as fast as those crystal heels could take her and made sure she dazzled during her grand entrance at the ball.

Something said prince won't forget anytime soon!

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