Friday, January 16, 2015

Grizzlylocks and the Three Bears

Clearly written for much simpler times, fairy tales that we loved as kids tend to have astonishingly implausible plotlines that we would find wholly unthinkable in our real life from intrepid virgins who would heedlessly brave a stranger's hovel ( obviously no fear of stranger danger ) to wandering princes who seemingly plant their lips on random corpses ( unsanitary much ).

But we forgive them one and all, because few would have genuinely existed in reality - and those that did have been embellished so wildly through the ages that no doubt very little remains of the true story. Even little girls with blond curls happily traipsing through unfamiliar, seemingly deserted bear caves while wining and dining on her own doesn't seem at all unusual to us. It's an imaginary fairytale after all.

So how does it happen in real life that a boy actually finds three bears in one place?

Let me elaborate. Once upon a time there was a boy named Grizzlylocks who was apparently hopelessly heterosexual in nature - or at least that's what he claimed to everyone else in the little town, the quiet village and neighbouring forest. And yet when no one was watching he occasionally slipped Freudian-like for a moment.

Paul : Did Grizz just say he has a partner? 
Madison : Yes, he did. 
Paul : He's not a lawyer. 
Madison : No, he isn't. 
Paul : He doesn't have some company. 
Madison : No, he doesn't.
Paul : Very few straight guys say partner. Why would they when they have a plethora of sexy synonyms to play with? 
Madison : Now you've made me suspicious. 

So which way does he lean? Perhaps in the olden days, we would have depended on the local village witch with her scrying spells, hapless chicken and crystal ball to garner pertinent information on him but these days, we can just click on ye trusty olde Facebook. Basically in the tight little gay world, there's very little place to run and hide even in that darkest of closets. Let's just say your choice of friends can be extremely telling, even more so than a bloody trail of chicken guts on the ground.

Not only did we find three bears who recently offered the affable hand of camaraderie, Grizz already came with an entire pack of bears of his own. And I don't mean the savage beasts who rightfully chased Goldilocks out for intentional home invasion. Though some of these gay boys do have the same amount of bodily hair.

You mean these kinda bears? 

Seriously where did he find them? Clumsy Goldilocks might have accidentally stumbled into a den of bears but where did Grizz, an apparently straight fellow, find an entire Beartown to befriend? Curious!

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