Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Bump It Bros

Obviously as a panic response to the faint whiff of homoerotica that comes with getting deliciously sweaty with other men, basic gym culture has developed into a painfully heterosexual beastly creature that relies purely on monosyllabic grunts and macho greetings to survive. Otherwise gay panic would inevitably set in having them all fight or flee whenever an unwary roving gaze catches them even partially naked in the changing rooms.

Me, I usually get my work done and leave without chance for much conversation. Things to do, places to be, that sorta thing. The past few weeks have been a little different though since my time inevitably coincides with this other young fellow. And I don't mean the irregular regular such as Grunt Graham.

Now when I meant young - I mean really young as in young enough to be my biological child - though obviously now old enough to attend college. Over here, the colloquial term for his handsome freshfaced looks would be jambu.

Certainly don't mind bumping him. 

Though my current friends might fail to believe it, I've never been that kinda friendly to all hail-fellow-well-met kinda guy. But since there's no one else present at the gym other than Grunt Graham who's a tad more antisocial than me with his ever-present monster headphones blasting thumpa-thumpa techno beats, there's not much for the boy to do but wave hello at me.

And raise out his fist.

I might have recoiled. See, my usual preprogrammed response when a muscled fist is aimed at my face is to defend myself, before making an appropriately hasty getaway. The first time he did that, it took me a moment before I realized he wanted the usual manly response which was a fist bump. Honestly, I've never even fist bumped my own brother, much less some virile, youthful stranger clad only in shorts.

The only thing I wanted to do with my hand to him was a palm smack to his cute hard ass which admittedly is kinda hard to miss.

Unfortunately that initial fist bump - which I hoped was a one time thing - has turned into a macho greeting of sorts between us. Though as strange and unfamiliar as the heterosexual frat boy act is, I cringe inwardly everytime I do it. Almost like a complicated foreign handshake. Then today he added something else.

Boy : See you later, brah. 
Paul : Umm... bye?

Seriously. Brah?


dazzakoh said...

Bloody 'eck.... if your brah looked like Alex Choong..that guy in gym college gear. .. I'll learn to fist bump. .. yeah bro!

savante said...

Not as tall that's for sure but quite as adorable, dazzakoh.