Thursday, April 24, 2014

Mind the Gap

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a formerly single woman in possession of a good fiancee, must be in want of a great diet plan. Just as long as it takes to squeeze into a slinky wedding gown two sizes too small for her.  Even as far as two centuries back, Jane Austen must have realized that though she obviously made no mention of it in her famously lauded novel. But we all know even the infamously independent-minded Elizabeth Bennet must have pushed away all the fattening baked goods the few months before her wedding.

So once that much-awaited ring slid smoothly down her finger, Pretty Panacea immediately signed herself up for the predestined bridal mission of trying to slim down before her wedding. So what if the wedding date hasn't even been set in stone yet!

Panacea : I need to slim down before the wedding!
Paul : You're already skinny like a reed. Any skinnier and you'd be a two-dimensional cartoon heroine. 
Panacea : I still don't have that gap between my thighs!
Paul : I'm not hearing this!
Panacea : Not that! I meant the thigh gap!
Paul : What for? To listen to the whistling wind beneath your thighs? 
Panacea : It's a thinspiration!
Paul : Dear, you'll be in a floor-length gown! Unless you're backlit by a stadium spotlight, no one's gonna know. 
Panacea : I'll know!

Which is the gist of what we've been talking about for the past few days.

Panacea : Now imagine me in a short white skirt with that thigh gap...
Paul : No short skirts for a wedding please.

Just hope Panacea doesn't go overboard with this latest pipe dream of hers - at least not till she's left with skin-and-bones like that other overachieving bride Lissome Lorelei. Leave the boys some fleshy bits to hold on to, girls. Otherwise it's all painfully angular bony bits!

Ever been jabbed by a sharp elbow? Now... imagine that all over.

Keep telling her that her adoring Northern Prince won't give a damn though Panacea won't believe a word I say. Seriously straightfellas, does that silly little thigh gap do anything for you? I know all the gaunt gals go a little cray-cray over the gap between their scrawny, emaciated thighs - but does it actually make the boys wanna play?

Somehow I seriously doubt it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ermm..even being as "bent" as I am, seeing a little "sun light between the thighs" is a good look. sorry..i know it sounds very "shallow" and I could say all the right, necessary, and pc/correct stuff, but...(this is where i expect all sorts of discussion on what looks good to all sorts of people and the usual "image" lines. i would prefer "each to his/her own and/or "let's have an intellegent conversation about this")