Thursday, October 31, 2013

Grinding Tofu

Rarely indeed do you hear me speak of my sapphic sisters.

Mostly because I believe they are far better at blending into the heteronormative background than us blindingly flamboyant fags. Flaming pack of fags strutting down the street certainly draw far more unwanted attention than a group of butch looking females lighting up smokes in a corner. Even then you never can tell - gay-dar doesn't work in this case obviously. Seriously, lesbian ninja much?

Till now, the lesbians that I do know personally number less than five - and even then I wouldn't call these girls extremely bosom buddies. Perhaps from a serious lack of commonality - such as an uncommon interest in dicks :)

Be that as it may, one term has always made me curious. 磨豆腐. Basically it means grinding tofu in Cantonese - and actually refers to the act of being a lesbian. Obscure enough term that even our good boy Charming Calvin hasn't heard of it.

Never could fathom the maddeningly cryptic description. Either it crudely suggests two women grinding it up against each other, referencing the grinding stones used to make tofu. Or perhaps the lesser known legend about wrapping a tofu slab in a silk sleeve as a makeshift dildo.

Man #1 : How about we grind some tofu?
Man #2 : WTF Are you speaking Chinese?
Man #1 : Doesn't it mean something like frottage?
Man #2 : When it refers to lesbians, maybe!

Obviously that term scares even the orthodox Hasidic Jews since they've banned students from eating soya in a senseless bid to reduce homosexuality. Just like our ill-advised authorities and their homophobic practices, they also allow mindless prejudice to blind them to simple logic. Supposedly the students in a yeshiva have been forbidden from trying soya products due to the unwanted hormones. Making them feminine, turning them gay... hopefully in that order.

Or perhaps they have heard about grinding tofu?

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