Monday, October 28, 2013

Confession is Good for the Soul

Rare indeed to catch me with a wide, sincere smile, especially on photographs. Unlike my more ingenuous friends who grin shamelessly from ear to ear the moment a camera shutter clicks, I'm usually uncharacteristically sullen in pictures, perhaps a hint of a knowing smirk at the most.

Which is why Charming Calvin decided to give me that gift for my birthday last weekend.

I don't think I've stopped smiling since then. You see, it's been a long while that we're together. And we tend to takes things for granted after a while, even relationships. Sometimes we even lose sight of what we loved about each other right in the beginning. Some of his more exasperating idiosyncrasies start grating, gradually driving me certifiably insane; no doubt the same happens to him as well with me and my endlessly provoking ways.

Nobody's looking! Maybe I can smile in here!

And then every once in a while he does something wonderful.

Like a disconcerting public confession. Just imagine what I felt when I found myself tagged on a post online.

It all started during a time when blogging was all the hype, before people started spilling all their thoughts on Facebook or Twitter, or finding each other using social apps on smartphones. I used to be a blogger and I followed his blog religiously. He writes very well - funny, opinionated, sarcastic - it's like music to my ears reading his entries everyday. And my, the number of fans he has, would be awesome if I had just a quarter of his.

I thought to myself, such a person must already have a boyfriend (our sexuality wasn't a secret in our blogs), and even if he didn't, he wouldn't want a nobody like me. I had just started exploring the gay community around me and I didn't have confidence then. He was so popular in the gay blogosphere, surely a lot of people were lining up at his doorstep.

Still, after contemplating it for a few months (due to the fear of trying to make friends with someone out of my league), I decided to write to him. I sent him a fan mail which I thought was really embarrassing. I wasn't expecting a reply but to my surprise, I did. He was very friendly and funny. We exchanged emails and subsequently decided to meet up.

As we were in different cities then, he drove to mine and picked me up at a train station. Eager to please, I prepared a present for him, even though it was our first time meeting each other. Yes, I'll admit I was a bit desperate, but it was a sincere gesture really, and one that sealed the deal, according to him.

We became a couple, and it's been 7 years now, even though he would tell people that it is 8. We don't know when is the anniversary, just vaguely around April to July. This comes in handy as there wouldn't be any reason to argue about forgetting the anniversary now.

They say opposites attract, it couldn't be any truer on us. I'm introverted and he's outgoing. He loves to read while I hardly do so. I'm a bit OCD while he's a bit messy. He prefers walking about to shop and I like sitting down for tea. He's strong and healthy while I'm an incubus of viral plagues. Who knew we could be together for this long? Perhaps that's why they say find a person who makes you feel complete, because that's what I feel when I'm with him.

Our relationship isn't all easy breezy. We are apart from each other most of the time in the past 7 years, and I'm talking oceans apart. The dreaded long distance relationship that ruins countless couples, be it gay or straight. But we managed, we trust each other. Maybe I am just naive, but you either trust or give up the relationship. Because staying in a relationship without trust is self-torturing and emotionally taxing. It does no good to anyone.

His birthday is coming up and all I want to say is, thank you for loving me, just the way I am. Happy birthday my dear, I love you.

Of course I was terribly embarassed. Conservative old-fashioned fuddy-duddy that I am, public displays of affection are endlessly shocking to me. Would probably have hastily hidden behind a pillar if anyone was watching. Appalled that everyone was out there reading and possibly commenting unfavourably on our relationship.

But was I secretly preening to hear the man I love proclaim that fact out in the open?

If you could only see the smile on my face.

Look on my face? Priceless I tell ya. 


Tempus said...

Man, oceans apart and it went to 8 years! I'd hope T and I can go that far, without me constantly worrying over nothing all the time.

Really wish I'd knew how they did it. It's not easy at all, because we barely had time to build the foundation back then. It has been 2 going to 3 months, but I wonder how far we can go.

GVP said...

Awww, that is so sweet.

Janvier said...

AWWWWW can you feel your blood sugar soar!