Sunday, December 23, 2012

Do You See What I See

Always kept a diary somewhere, even as a kid. Scorpios love their diaries after all. Usually hidden somewhere dark and obscure, preferably under lock and key.

Not that several layers of highly regarded, heavy-duty protection would keep an extremely inquisitive mother from finding it! Especially if you're the enigmatic, buttoned up son hiding homosexual skeletons in the closet. Wouldn't be surprised if she brashly ransacked my locked drawers the very moment I left for university. Don't think it took her much longer than that to discern my particular predilection from the hitherto secret diaries.

Though she certainly kept her counsel since I never heard a peep from her till recently.

Judging by her seemingly cool acceptance of my homosexuality with little or almost no complaint, I figured that was the end of the matter. She knows. Almost everyone knows. The end. Especially since my mother does seem to go out of her way to involve Charming Calvin in our family events.

Sounded almost idyllic till last week.

Mother : Reading some of your past letters, you seemed so happy.
Paul : I'm not exactly sad now.
Mother : Well I mean happy with so many friends who are girls.
Paul : I still have lots of friends. Who are girls.
Mother : That's not what I meant.
Paul : Are we seriously revisiting this topic?
Mother : Not really.
Paul : Because that horse is dead and buried. No need to beat it anymore.


Girl : How long will this take?
Paul : Just smile, it's a sham marriage.
Girl : Just make sure I get paid for this.
Paul : Could you be a surrogate too?
Girl : Let's see if your cheque clears.

Could have handled that better but I couldn't help getting irritated by it. Even worse, I don't think I could blame her, well not entirely. No matter how accepting parents might be on the surface, they will always hope for the best when it comes to their children, and yes, they want that bit of normalcy. At least something conventional in the heteronormative fashion with a man and a woman getting married.

Will that withering hope ever fade away? 


Chen Xing said...

Oh yes, the perfect family portrait at the end of everything.


quicksilverlining said...

i don't think it ever does.

after all, in all likelihood, they are heterosexuals who are hoping you will "be able to see and feel all the joys" of life that they will.

i prefer to assume that it's all that innocent anyway. to give them any more credit in either direction would be a grave concern, and potential insult to my sensibilities.

savante said...

Guess sometimes the portrait changes, chenxing :) Just takes a while. Gotta have more patience!

I am gonna hope for the best, qsl!