Monday, April 23, 2012

The Quintessential Heroine

Leisurely afternoons for me are usually spent rifling through the various Korean dramas on the shelf and picking one out to obsess over. Unlike my fanatical mother who impatiently swallows an entire season's worth in a frenzied tv marathon, I usually pace myself with one or two episodes a day.

My ISO : At the rate you're going, are you turning into a K-drama heroine?
Paul : Well I can do the 10 Asian Poses if that's what you're asking.
My ISO :  More like the super goody-two-shoes Snow White heroine.
Paul : Unlikely. Sometimes I can't believe how very wonderfully sweet and patient they are, even in the face of such blatant discrimination by their numerous enemies.
My ISO : No doubt you'd have poisoned your adversaries by the end of the season.
Paul : You underestimate me. It wouldn't take more than two episodes. 
My ISO : But what if the hero finds out!
Paul : Oh please I'd do it with such a sweet smile no one would suspect silly little me.
My ISO : Sounds more like the drama villainess.

Very true. After sitting through dozens of K-drama serials, I have realized that I would never make the perfect heroine.

Sure, being sweet, polite and refined despite all odds wouldn't be that difficult a task for me. Not much different from putting on a perfumed mask for an appreciative audience after all. And let's not forget all the pretty, pretty dresses and the amazing skyscraper heels they get to wear.

Song Seung Heon
Taking aim at the bitches

But to twiddle my genteel fingers while my conniving saboteurs continually attack me with their pathetically juvenile schemes? Gets me hair-pulling frustrated just watching the cloyingly sweet heroines being perpetually abused by their malicious sisters / cousins / in-laws / colleagues with horrific animadversions cast upon their hitherto blameless characters - and all without the timid misses bothering to stand up for themselves! So sickeningly noble. Seriously they are practically masochistic punching bags.

Bitch : Give me your money. 
Heroine : Alrighty. Since you're my beloved sister cousin that I undoubtedly owe my life to, we should share the wealth.
Bitch : Give me your hot boyfriend.
Heroine : Alrighty. You're so much prettier, smarter and richer. I'm sure you deserve such a hot boyfriend.  I am so unworthy. 
Bitch : Give that pretty dress to me.
Heroine : Alrighty. But wait, you can't have the dress. 
Bitch : Oh why not? You found a spine?
Heroine : Oh no! You can't have the dress yet, I'm sure you'd want the matching headband too.

How do they stand being such timid, ineffectual doormats? Even I couldn't be that zen. Mouth off on me once and I'd be able to let it slide. But try it the second time, I doubt I'd be able to sit still without reaching for my pearl-handled blade. Trust me, just touch something that belongs to me and the pretty satin gloves are off.

Dammit why do I always get the villain roles.


Booker said...

"Oh why not? You found a spine?"

Oh what I'd give to see you do the 10 poses!

savante said...

Looks awfully silly, I swear booker!