Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Sins of the Uncle

Although the hilarious scenes that crop up in situational comedies have been overplayed shamelessly for maximum canned laughter effect, most are still basically grounded in reality.

As in they really happened.

For instance the episode of Brothers and Sisters where the earnest, well-meaning niece enlists the help of her doting uncle with the simple school project? The little girl might have wanted to show how lemons could function as a basic battery and ignite a tiny bulb but the domineering uncle takes over, goes a bit insane and uses hundreds of lemons to power a dancing robot.

Hilarity ensues of course.

Embarassed though I am to admit that I actually did that. And probably would again. Perpetually fed on fallacious bedtime stories of her uncle's legendary academic prowess, Chatty Carmen unwittingly engaged my help with her own school project. Not knowing that my so-called brains are actually a unsubstantiated myth.

Paul : I can help.
Carmen : Should I be worried?

But how could I possibly refuse a little girl? Though any knowledge I ever had of science has slowly slipped through the expanding sinkholes of my memory, I could still lend a helping hand. Though in the process of helping my niece with her school project, I realized I'd make one hell of a crazy kiasu parent one day.

Carmen : My project will explain how capillary action actually works.
Paul : Cool. So the plant will absorb the red coloured water you have there?
Carmen : Yes. Pretty.
Paul : Why not let it absorb different colours at different rates? Have a rainbow coloured stem?
Carmen : Oh.
Paul : And serve celery sticks to the students in different colours.
Carmen : Oh.
Paul : And only cardboard standouts? Why not get flash animation and videos as well to explain? Maybe on tablets?
Carmen : Oh.
Paul : And perhaps have an informative booklet you can hand out to the other students?
Carmen : Oh.
Paul : Make the rest of your classmates rue the day they dared to compete! *evil laugh*

Of course I had far wilder ideas but the sheer astonishment on her face after my villainous laugh was enough to put a stop to my growing lunacy. Turns out Carmen had every good intention of educating her classmates about capillary action. Me, I just wanted to crush the other pathetic pitiful students and make them weep. Oh yeah that's like my new motto.


Oh yes, I'd want my kids to outmean every other junior bitch in school :)


rotiboy said...

Haha that's super kiasu..
When I was in school, I was once punished by my teacher for doing more than being asked. I guess you have to see if the teacher likes student to do that or not.. =)

ooi2009 said...

i see . btw can a blood test tell if ur having brain tumor ?

savante said...

What a horrid teacher, rotiboy! Really? What did you do in school?

Not really, ooi. Need more tests to find that out.


rotiboy said...

I can't recall what I did already. But I think the teacher was afraid that I would ask questions beyond the subject matters she had prepared for... well well...