The Last Condom

Condoms.

Just why are straight guys just so afraid of them?

At least some of the ones that I know. Until now I still have nervous ninnies who get themselves admitted for a mind-boggling variety of wildly invasive procedures for birth control - eschewing the simplest method of contraception known to man.

The humble condom.

Certainly not a hundred percent effective but then again, none of the methods actually are. Why else would the barrier method have been in use for hundreds of years? Simple. Easy. Convenient.

So why are these ladies getting themselves laid up to be sliced and diced? Just blame their latex-fearing hubbies.

Nurse : But my husband says the condom doesn't provide as much feeling leh.
Paul : Unless he's paralyzed neck down, believe me, he can feel something.
Nurse : Hee hee. You naughty.
Paul : Sometimes even a fucking road bump can be pleasurable. A little piece of rubber isn't going to stop that.
Nurse : Wah, you not married woh! How you know la?
Paul : And I have to be married to have sex?

Back to that age-old question again.


Get a condom first!
My poor prudish nurses! Horrified by what little sexual experience I've had. No doubt they expect me to remain a good little virgin till my gay wedding night. Which judging by the mindless vitriol heaped on the poor fellow who bravely came out online would be never.

And I refuse to be the 40-year old virgin. Even when I was 20.

Of course my disbelieving nurses needed tangible proof of my sexual misbehaviour. With patients claiming impossible symptoms on a daily basis, I didn't blame them.

Fortunately I had something ready for show-and-tell that day. One unused condom in my wallet. Though one so tragically unused - and insanely expired - that I doubt it would act as a barrier to anything much at all. Didn't even realize I still had it!

Still it was effective enough to earn horrified shrieks from the cheap seats in the audience.