Monday, June 29, 2015

You Had Me At Free Shipping

For a long time I tried to avoid online shopping. Not only do I have a notoriously antiquated, near-Luddite dislike of anything far too avant-garde, I also am quite paranoid about laying myself out as easy prey to the never-ending online scams we all hear about.

Not to mention I get frequent nagging reminders to save, not only from my frugal brother - but surprisingly also my mother. For someone who knows her intimately, you would think her quite amazingly contrary! For reasons unbeknownst to me, my unreasonably paranoid mother seems to think that I live a recklessly opulent lifestyle in the hedonistic jungle burning dollar bills, running up credit purchasing idle frivolities and sipping bubbly by the bottle.

I'll admit to being quite the shopaholic - but only when I'm travelling. Adventuresome folks who wander the globe without picking up knick knacks boggle my mind.

However back in stone-cold reality here, I spend almost nothing here on this side of the Big Puddle because there's almost nothing worth buying; well apart from crawling out of my hermitage for my weekly exorbitant purchase of a two-dollar ice-cream cone.

Of course in the midst of lecturing me on my apparently senseless spending, the maternal temptress herself will then see fit to send me shopping brochures.

Mom : Take a look at this!
Paul : The shopping brochure?
Mom : Yeah, aren't the items great?
Paul : Some really great stuff here.
Mom : Look at page 21. Pretty yeah. 
Paul : You want it? 
Mom : Don't buy it though. Save money.
Paul : Seriously, what kinda passive aggressive shtick is this?

I wonder is it some form of sadistic test.

Really, my mom sends me beautiful brochures chock full of tempting tchotchkes, trifles and trinkets and then with her very next breath,  adjures me to economize! Like the tantalizing siren call of a grand sale, how can anyone possibly resist? Not only is it heavily discounted - 80% off really! - but they come with free shipping?!

Wait boys, what was that I heard about a price cut? 

No need to tell me about getting one absolutely free on purchase when you already had me at free shipping!

You can imagine how glad I am sometimes that our country is somehow blacklisted when it comes to many online shopping sites. Just see how often we are left out when it comes to places for free shipping when even the most peculiar nations such as Malawi and Mongolia get a free pass. Imagine how much I would spend if we weren't the pariah of the mailing service!

Maybe my mother's admonitions are well earned indeed! Perhaps it really is time I got a shop to place all my bric-a-bracs.


1 comment:

zerachiel said...

mother knows best :)