Thursday, July 03, 2014

Jonah Swallows the Whale

Or at least that's what it must have felt like.

Now, now, don't head down that utterly filthy inappropriate path. Though I am sure there's been plenty going down Jonah's throat, I definitely didn't mean to suggest anything that colossal.

When I used the whale as a metaphor, I meant the entire gay community as a whole.

Wanna get with us?

Or at least the shallow, judgemental side of it living right smack in our homosocial apps. Newly out and hoping to be embraced by this marginalized section of the society, poor Jonah is finding himself greeted instead with the capricious headless torsos ever present on our stereotypically abdominally-obsessed apps. The painfully demeaning Grindr Chorus - otherwise collectively known as the mean fag clique that screams if you ain't got the pecs, guns and glutes, you're definitely going home alone.

Yes, ouch. It's enough to make even Jocund Jonah despondent.

Jonah : It's so hard to meet guys!
Paul : Don't think you're supposed to meet guys on essentially hook-up apps. 
Jonah : Then where do I find them?
Paul : Problem is you're still very much in the closet. So you don't frequent gay bars. I can't very well suggest picking them up on the street. 
Jonah : You pick guys off the street?
Paul : Well after sussing them out with a bit of gay-dar, there's nothing wrong with a bit of light flirtation. Maybe with some sexual innuendo to spice things up?
Jonah : I don't do that!
Paul : Winking at the cute pastor at church?
Jonah : No! 
Paul : I would suggest speed dating and singles events but I don't think we have gay ones here.  
Jonah : You don't have any single friends to recommend? 
Paul : I don't know how to explain this but somehow everyone got paired up along the way! 

So if you're desperately diffident, crazily closeted and impossibly inured with our judgey homosocial apps, exactly what other methods would you have to pick up men? Certainly one of the ongoing dilemmas facing gay men of a certain marriageable age. Grunt at the gym while checking out the meat? Troll Facebook to find suitable bachelors? Hang out at the local coffeeshop hoping to bump into some eligible fellow?

Tell me, what are the modern ways of gay dating? 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can empathsize with Jonah. Though I am very out, hanging around bars has never left me comfortable.

So I get on the 'Net (Fridae, Silver Daddies, Yahoo IM, LINE, Skype) and just talk to people.

There are always a few with which one can build a rapport.

R. Watson Chung said...

but even the Fridae, Mingles and such just don't work it.

Sauna isnt helping much since it's quickie and get done over there.

Ended up im starting to horn my gaydar and picking guys randomly on the street.

well, got one at least.

Astrotoy said...

OMG, you just described my predicament. There are no gays in my small little gym (one that I only occasionally frequent), I seldom go to gay clubs and bars, I hardly use hook up apps, I hide my admiration of cute guys cos I'd be embarrassed if they catch me staring, how to get attached lidat?!?