Wednesday, July 30, 2014

All About The 72 Virgins

Short of reading the holy text itself, don't believe everything you read or hear about any particular religion.

Erroneous stereotypes about religion vary from the much-feared, much-publicized gun-toting fanatical terrorist to the more obscure religious myths such as the tales about the heavenly virgins. Rarely talked about - at least in public - though widely speculated about in private quarters, theological legend has it that sensual paradise would accord each faithful believer approximately 72 splendid yet chaste houris to attend to their needs.

An outlandish topic we somehow strayed upon while talking with a particularly learned theologian, Kitty Kathijah - or Kit Kat for short. Turns out she has been reading her holy text religiously since she was a wee child prodigy.

Kat : Well the numbers aren't exact but it's around 70 at last count. 
Paul : Surprisingly large for a heavenly harem!
Kat : Well that's actually written in the holy text though I think we're supposed to take that in context of all the rest of the rewards in heaven. 
Paul : Curious though. If I'm a good gay man - and I stubbornly denied myself of all worldly pleasures, what would I receive in heaven? 72 female houris as well? 
Kat : Hmm. 
Paul : What would I do with that many females? Send them out to work? 
Kat : Now that's a dilemma. 
Paul : You mean it wouldn't be 72 hot male houris? All looking like Omar Borkan al Gala? 
Kat : Now that's something heaven only would know but for your sake, I shall hope so. 

Actually for my sake, I hope that's not true! Titillating though it may sound, the idea isn't all that great in reality I'm sure. If the 72 boys were all submissive servile slaves who would attend to my every whim - and hurry to do every menial household chore there was, then it would be alright. Surely there would be windows to clean and floors to mop even up there in heaven.

We're here to serve your every pleasure, sir. 

That's assuming they were all good little boys.

But just imagine if they were all rapacious, demanding sex slaves perpetually in heat! Far from resting in peace, now that would be extremely exhausting. Eternally. Doesn't sound like that great of a reward now, does it?

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