It takes some time to come out to everyone - and by that I mean, coming out of the proverbial closet. For every gay man, it means coming out to someone almost every other day and I doubt the process ever actually ends. Societal conventions rule that heterosexuality's the norm which makes being gay an aberration of sorts.
And that goes double for times like these. With the Chinese New Year coming by ( and probably with every other occasion which calls for an unprecedented family gathering ), a reasonably intelligent, attractive, successful man would be expected to be relentlessly pelted with numerous probing questions on his impending marriage. Being single and eligible for a man of his late twenties seems odd and unusual - which brings about the usual questions on his state of matrimony. No doubt this happens in the lives of any gay man with a leg partially in the closet.
Deciding to fly in the face of convention, I decided to come clean with some of my childhood friends this year - just prior to the New Year celebrations. The question of my sexuality was never broached in school since the spectre of homosexuality in a missionary all-boys school was something to be whispered about and derided at that time. Years back, I was still wrestling with the very thought of admitting it to myself, much less admitting it to anyone else. By the time I was in med school, I had pretty much knocked out all the demons in my head - and most of my colleagues in med school had a very good idea where the wind blows in regards to my sexuality.
These were the friends of my childhood, the guys I'd played tag and monopoly with, the guys I'd fought and given black eyes to and yet remained as close as ever. Ties and briefcases didn't change the fact that we'd seen each other at our worst - and our grubbiest. Broaching the topic to my childhood friends and coming out to them was a step not to be taken lightly but over a dish of yee sang, I just blurted it out to everyone. To say they were appalled would be an understatement. Think stunned disbelief. For a moment, I felt like calling for a crash trolley to perform a resuscitation. There were no uncivilized brawls and angry accusations, a horrific ending that my overwrought imagination had earlier dreamt up. There weren't as many questions as I'd imagined, seems that the years away from school had brought about a degree of tolerance that I hadn't expected.
As usual, there were the odd embarassing questions as one relatively good-looking friend wondered whether I'd had a crush on him which I could happily and truthfully deny. I can't imagine what he'd have done if I'd confessed to carrying a torch for him. Probably would have tossed the bowl of raw salmon at me and run like hell.
5 comments:
..so, how did they take it? you left me hanging there, between "stunned disbelief" and "a degree of tolerance".. will they play tag or monopoly with you ever again?
and thanks for the yee sang link, surprised me.. :)
Well, I think naked steam baths are out for the mean time. :) But I think playing monopoly fully-clothed would be fine by them anytime soon.
Paul
Not that I think naked steam baths are your prefered venue, but I get you drift, and feel slightly relived.
I hope it turned out okay. I came out as a bi-sexual to my friends two years ago. It was extremly stressful, but it had just come to the point where I didn't want to hide anything from what I thoughtof as my best friends. I decided that it was too exhausting to hide that aspect of myself. It worked out for most of my friends, you know questions about shared bathing experiences were questioned, but I could answer in complete and utter honesty that they were innocent of any licentious thoughts. I am going through your blog because I am in love with some of your stories.
Wonder you will look back and read old comments ever again just to... ya know whatever you need to recap from the past like these and even happen to read mine after u've posted it 2 years ago. Well, what else to say then having a hard time telling the truth to the ones close to you almost all your life. Same thing goes to me, my mother especially. Mine didn't slip thru her mind though like what happened to you with Grace. However I still thought that it would be the toughest challenge ever faced in my life which came out the opposite, how? My mum came up and asked me herself :) imagine how relieved were we, she was breathing double the pace of the normal rate and so did i. But it ended up like "Finally! you caught me...and so I could end this by throwing this giant rock that has been on my shoulder for almost my entire life into the goddamn sea!" I answered that practically after whole 2 min pause on the phone.
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