Beijing Part 1 : Peking Opera Blues

I don't travel well.

Never have. Each time I take an extended trip abroad, I tend to develop all sorts of mysterious maladies with hardly any cure but persistent bedrest ( and stubbornly I refuse to submit to such lily-livered behaviour! ) during the journey. I'm alright in the cities but any fleeting contact with transportation to and fro whether it's plane, train or autombiles and I tend to fall into a plethora of indistinct illnesses.

From my terrifyingly pneumonia-like symptoms in Turkey to my peculiarly aching back in Scotland... and obviously now to baffling stomach cramps in China. Not sure what it was that overtook me before I boarded the plane but somehow or rather I was definitely down for the count during the flight. Add that to my usual insomnia and inner ear disorder - and it was a thousand-mile misery.

Cheered up a little in the morning when I noticed the verdant fields of the famed Yellow River spread out before me with endless stretches of farmland and orchards. Amazing to note that Chinese civilization actually began from these fertile loess plains. Then slowly and inexorably they disappeared bit by bit beneath a thick damning cloud which led to ... the Northern Capital.

First thing I noticed ( and most probably everyone else ) about Beijing was the smog. Seriously. Even from only a few kilometres up in the air, you can hardly see anything but an all-encompassing enveloping yellow dust pollution. Not a single building or monument - and certainly not the vaunted Great Wall!

Daunting thought but then again, Beijing managed to save herself by stationing the most chipper young gentleman at the frontlines to greet us with a chirpy Ni Hao. Certainly the most charming Immigrations Officer in the world. Bar none. He totally made my day and I was this close to hugging the fellow!

Finally made my way to Charming Calvin's apartment after struggling through a series of complicated gestures and broken pidgin Mandarin. Took a nap after my eventful flight before starting out on my journey.


What will this day be like? I wonder...
Covered Qianmen and Wangfujing today. And learnt quite a few things while getting sore feet navigating the maze-like alleys of the shockingly odorous hutongs ( think Amazing Race, I was practically running ).

1) Shirtless Uncles
For some reason despite being known as a conservative communist country, the men in the hutongs don't seem to able to keep their shirts on. Seriously. Especially when the weather's turned a bit sultry at the end of August. Don't get too excited. These aren't hunkalicious Huang Xiaoming lookalikes, more like the ah pek cina types. Men who fall into the category I would pay to keep their shirts on.

You don't even want to know my horrific experience with a half-naked uncle in the public toilet ( with no doors btw ).

2) Missing Hunks
What about the bitchin' Beijing Boys we all hear about? No idea where they all went seriously. Seemed to be all in hiding until I realized the clean-cut hunks had all been conscripted into the service of the military / security. So look no further than your regular communist propaganda monument for the closest fresh-faced hunk standing guard.

3) Crazy Traffic
Peculiar to the city, motorbikes are scarce - unfortunately replaced by amazingly tenacious cyclists who terrorize the roads. This in turn has enraged the drivers turning them into wild road maniacs who pay no attention at all to simple road civility. Really. Think of the barbaric attack of the Mongols with the Huns and the Tartars all joining in the fun - and you have their traffic system. Seems like traffic lights here are merely ornaments to be followed at whim.

Guidebooks usually suggest renting bikes. I would say do so only if you have an insane deathwish.

4) Sardine buses
Think 1 billion Chinese. Think of their capital. So you can imagine their buses. Nuff said.

5) Naughty Net Nanny
Odd thing I just found out. Seems like China's madcap net nanny simply can't make up her mind what to do about bloggers hence the fickle-minded blocking and unblocking of blogger sites. Almost a monthly guessing game here ( do they place bets? ) to see whether the blogs actually come to life. Obviously confused netminders are still unsure about the lasting effects of such decadent western bourgeouis ideas.

Me, I like being decadent.