Breaking & Entering

Feel all macho this morning.

Guess my criminal streak isn't over yet since you see I just broke down a door.

Don't worry. Haven't gone insane. It wasn't Zac Efron's door and his virtue is still intact, I think ( lest a certain Miz Hudgens had her way ).


We heard you needed help with a door?
Earlier this morning, one of my more ... obtuse colleagues accidentally locked herself out of the female oncall room - effectively locking in the one and only set of keys needed to open the door in with her belongings. Imagine her wild unconsolable hysteria at 6 in the morning. Curiously, no one else seemed to be around the general vicinity but me - no doubt frightened away by her accompanying keening banshee wails at such an ungodly hour.

Took me a moment to survey the surrounding area looking for vulnerable spots. To guard the unimpeachable virtue of the sainted ladies in the department, a door has been placed made of solid oak ( unsurprisingly you can imagine the flimsy cardboard one they have on the boys' side ) - no doubt a chastity belt sponsored by the department for the virginal maidens.

Seemed like a little daytime B & E was warranted in this case. My initial clumsy attempts at lock-picking didn't seem to do the trick - apart from highly taxing my patience - so I finally gave up and decided to get tough instead.

Took a deep breath, told the little lady to step aside and let this man do his work. You know in the movies when the big tough guy encounters a locked door and rams the immovable object with his tough-as-steel shoulders? Never imagined that it would work ( Charming Calvin claims it has been summarily disproved by Mythbusters ) but I decided that it was worth the old college try so I did just that.

And shockingly enough it worked - and the flimsy door locks came off its hinges. And I didn't dislocate my shoulder as I feared. Obviously their locks were of sadly inferior quality. :P Wouldn't you know they have a door that's quite as solid as the Great Wall yet the hinges are barely hanging on?

Still, I feel so manly out of a sudden. Wanna roar loudly and beat my chest, I swear. Feel like going out after this to swagger down the street whistling lewdly at the chicks, maybe spit on the ground a few times before heading to the bar for a warm brewski.

Maybe I'll even hunt down some wild animal tomorrow, fry it over a spit and eat it with my bare hands.