Search through my blog and you'll see that it's just about time that I hired a new maid - since it's been two years since then. Since my agent called up just last night to set an appointment ( and I had a packed back-breaking schedule next week ), I had to extend my eleventh hour apologies to my mates who had planned a karaoke lunch today.
Hire me, sir. Work hard, I will!
Let me tell you that it's no easy job rifling through dozens of cookie-cutter applications with Stepford maids all dressed in frilly nondescript aprons with freakishly similar
Wonder women, I tell ya.
What I usually resort to is an ad-hoc version of Pin the Ribbon on the Maid. Left to my own devices, I'd have stubbornly shut my eyes, waved my finger about and blithely chosen one of the applications at random - praying hard to the gods above that I don't accidentally pick some raving psychotic lunatic. Fortunately I have what has to amount to the most demanding agent ever - no doubt a rigidly exacting, persnickety Chinese matchmaker in a past life.
Sneaking looks over the pile of applications in front of me, the agent shook her head and tsked over some of the choices, nodding over some amiable gals while forcefully tearing some of the untouchables out of my hands in disgust. Our conversation went something like that.
Paul : So hard to choose only from a picture!
Agent : No, no. Trust your instincts. This one has the shifty-eyed snitch look. Not that one either, far too promiscuous fox looking girl. Look at her plucked eyebrows!
Paul : How about this one?
Agent : Too fat. No good. Probably thinking of food all the time, hardly work.
Paul : Poor maligned Tracy Turnblad.
Agent : What you say? You like this girl? No, sir. Far too young, too pretty. She might tempt you into dirty deeds.
Paul : Highly unlikely, trust me. How about this? Well, she's not hefty nor is she young so you can't possibly raise any objections.
Agent : No, much too thin! And not married some more.
Paul : And being married guarantees a harder worker? No wonder I'm a lazy bugger.
Agent : No, sir. Single they will look around, thinking of boyfriend all the time. Married also no good. They will think of lonely husband at home running after other women.
Paul : So I'm stuck with the lithe aged widows?
Agent : Yes, see this!
Seriously, I doubt I'd have had such stringent criteria even for a bride had I the inclination. Almost wished I'd picked the more attractive ones but I changed my mind after noting the horrified expression on the prudish agent's face, no doubt imagining that this suspicious bachelor was up to no good with her virginal foreign maids.
Hell, unless the pretty maids all in a row looked anything like Zac Efron or Chris Evans, I find it highly unlikely that I'd be tempted into a sordid dalliance. Unfortunately they only hire out male foreign workers for industrial odd jobs so there goes my faint dreams of having a private harem of dark-skinned Burmese Adonises.
Which is how I got landed with Java Jane. A merry widow past the marriageable age of uncertain means with two kids to bring up.
8 comments:
Hiring a new maid?! Hmmm... heard many stories about maids being abused. Also there are some crazy maids who steal and kill!
Better choose the right one!
I guess you better choose the right one, with proper well-thought considerations. Write down on a piece of paper the qualities of a maid you want to hire and decide on which one you want. But don't be too stringent, or else you are left with no one at all.
Just to tell you one of my bitter experiences, I had one Filipino maid who actually used the my house phone all the time and talked on hours on end with her "so-called" boyfriend (some from overseas) when she had been married and already had a child. Good God knows what the phone bill is like. It went sky-high!!!
At the end of the day, mistakes were realized, but it was too late! A phone lock was installed over the number keypad to prevent unauthorised access to the number keypad, so that an unauthorised person cannot dial and make calls.
You gotta choose the one right one or else you'll regret it for sure. I once saw a maid doing less job than the boss...pathetic. Hahaha..not to mention the phone bills and nightly stranger visits to have sex... eeewwww*
Juk juk juk. Really too bad there be no boymaids yah? You could hunt for a a trained butler then. :P
You could get warren to be your boymaid. *Nudge nudge wink wink*
Not easy picking them, ryan! How to choose!
Fortunately my dad's at home all the time, david.
Hope she brings back a really hot submissive boyfriend then, m5lvin.
Wish they provided boymaids, I'd have taken them, janvier.
Ah, my sweet Warren... send him to me, Jamie.
Paul
Ah, that explained your absence from the party.
Oh my doctor paul! I bet you’re such a busy, busy man. =)
Good thing I got bored with “boinking” at such an early age. Hahaha. Just kidding.
(I think I won’t get bored with boinking… ever.)
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