Monday, March 14, 2016

Crouch Rice

Certainly got your attention innit?

Loosely translated into our colloquial Malay, it basically means nasi kangkang. Allegedly a potent love potion brewed by lustful women who crouch over steamed rice to add a dose of their womanly essences; rice which is later served to the virile object of their wanton desire.

Something seemingly wildly mystical and quite impossible to find in our modern world, you say?

Well, you'd be wrong - since lately we've started to suspect Diffident David of being the unwilling ( or so we think ) target of just such sly witchcraft. What else could it possibly be when his crafty landlady keeps him extremely close at hand at all times - even messaging to keep tabs on his whereabouts - and performs special favours for him.

And him only.

The Countess makes her move. 

Hereby given the title of Countess Crouch. Despite her singularly unprepossessing looks and charm, David finds himself unable to tear himself from her clutches. Unbeknownst to all of us before, the Countess has spent the last few months preparing particular meals only for David and no one else. Suspiciously enough, she doesn't taste a single sliver of the specialties prepared for him.

David : No la. She isn't that bad. 
Paul : I'm sure you think so. 
David : She's just nice enough to prepare meals for me. 
Paul : That is free. All the time. 
David : Yes. 
Paul : That she doesn't partake of herself but watches you eat. 
David : Yes. 
Paul : She also cooks for you dishes that she dislikes eating. 
David : Yes. 
Paul : And none of this makes you suspicious. 
David : Well now I'm a little bit worried. 

Practically on cue, his cellphone rings only for the Countess to recall him home. Can anyone blame her growing insecurities? Surely she can't allow him to be that far away from her devilish influence for too long a time. After all there's only so much enchanted steamed rice she can feed the fellow!

Honestly though I think the Countess Crouch would make a perfect match for Diffident David. Perhaps her dark sorcery might be enough to shake him right out of his much dreaded homosexuality. And even if she doesn't, wouldn't she make just the perfect beard?


J-boy said...

I love Kylie and how she's engaged to Joshua now hahaha... "Off with his shirt!"

luke! said...

Really? I´ve never heard of that before. I wonder how does it smell. or taste. Not that I want to taste it.