Thursday, November 20, 2014

Third Date

Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free? 

Remember that horrid adage repeated to the red-faced sophomores on their first dates by their domineering mothers? After all these years of making a pained face when I hear that oft-repeated line, I'm finally starting to see there might be some truth in it.

Coming from a lusty horndog like me who'd prefer to grind on first sight, that's really saying something.

Boy : Hi, wanna fuck?
Jamie : Seriously, that's your pick up line?

Boy : Is it working?
Jamie : It kinda is.  

Especially when everyone these days seem far too eager to give away their milk. Literally. And if you're just a prick teaser, well there are dozens of guys in a one mile radius ready to be ... well, milked.

Unfortunately with the ready availability of horny homosocial apps around - and an even easier supply of randy headless torsos, you can imagine eligible gay bachelors these days are spoiled for choice. Say farewell to the halcyon era of the wit and flirt. These days it's far easier to find out if someone's neatly circumcised than to figure out their favourite colour. An inappropriately graphic penis picture is the new hello apparently.

Jamie : It's hard to find a relationship these days. 
Paul : How so? 
Jamie : I wish guys are more into dating.
Paul : What do you mean? Haven't you been on quite a few? 
Jamie : Well... not exactly. We don't really talk that much.  
Paul : So you're having sex on the first date. 
Jamie : Umm yeah. 
Paul : And it's not working?
Jamie : Well...
Paul : You know two fucks and no dinner just means NSA fun. It's not a date. 
Jamie : Well I like sex too!
Paul : But now he probably thinks you only want him for sex. 
Jamie : You think?
Paul : Maybe wait a little while? 
Jamie : Till when!
Paul : Three date rule maybe? 

Couldn't believe myself either. Gosh, now I am sounding like a prudish Victorian.

But really. Speaking from experience - and possibly that of quite a few guys, the last thing I wanna do after I'm done with the dirty deed is to share meaningful life experiences. I saw, I conquered, I came - there's no need to enjoy the bucolic view after. And obviously little reason to get to know each other which defeats entirely the principles of dating.

You can't call it a date if you spent it frantically swapping spit ( or other bodily fluids ) rather than carefully edited biographies. Maybe keep the hands away from his belt and exchange funny interludes over dinner first?

5 comments:

Tempus said...

Yea, so how do we get dates anyway lol.

Not that I'm desperate, yet; I could use some tip. Clubs, saunas and gyms ain't the place to go man.

Even T and I met over a veterinary conference no less, do I really need to travel 12343465654 miles to get a date?

PS: still a virgin although we have exchanged some fluids

savante said...

True, it's a bit hard these days. Maybe blind dates?

khai said...

what's the 3 rules date? -.-

Tempus said...

Still need a mediator though. Which is hard to come by hahaha.

And somewhere inside my head still screams:"meeting someone from work or randomly beats dates!"

but then again, when time comes...

Anonymous said...

the good ols days of dating~ people don't do it anymore? :o

the anticipating, the excitement and the overall "game", such life enriching experiences!

- the illuminating candle -