Monday, October 17, 2011

Endangered Virgins

With a terribly apt handle such as Harry Huevos, you can imagine that sexual intercourse never actually scared the randy fellow. Even as a little eight-year-old boy.

Though there might be a bit of exaggeration on his part - macho Latin bluster and all that, Harry claims that nine is the age that he first delved into the sensual mysteries of womanhood so to speak.

Yes, nine.

Even as Harry proudly announced that outrageous proclamation, my shell-shocked mind goggled over the horrifying idea that a bunch of libidinous primary schoolkids gleefully rolling about the sandbox could actually be discovering the carnal uses of the pee pee and the tatas. Seriously, eek and eew. Though I encourage education in all its various forms, I think some lessons should be learnt in time.

Certainly no mad rush to absorb such licentious knowledge! With the indecently early exposure to such worldly delights, you can imagine how shocked Harry Huevos was to learn that thirty-year-old virgins actually exist here. Even forty-year-old ones.

And I don't necessarily mean a member of the clergy.

Call!
Friend : I hear there are virgins around!
Harry : What? Where?

Finding out that Virginal Vesper was... well virginal, Harry was horrified. I might as well have informed him a flying dodo had just landed outside the studio. As the phrase goes, we could have knocked him over with a feather.

Harry : She is a virgin?
Paul : Yes?
Harry : They still exist?
Paul : Why not?
Harry : With all the sex available back where I came from, I think virgins became extinct! Everyone was doing it in school.
Paul : Hunted till extinction with rare specimens placed in museums for all to gawk at?
Harry : Maybe!
Paul : Don't you think it's romantic to wait? To share the gift of innocence with someone special?
Harry : Wait? What the fuck for?
Paul : True Love Waits?

Since I'm quite the advocate of wild free loving, it's a little bit hard for me to convince him of the thrill of the chaste! Can't very well speak well of purity pledges and abstinence vows when I don't entirely believe in them either.

Always been a terribly randy fellow as well. Perhaps if I had known back then my ISO was available for mindblowing sex, I might have lost my virginity much, much earlier.

Though probably not at nine.

3 comments:

Tempus said...

Definitely worthwhile waiting. It's something too special. Maybe handjob, but the real thing is really, too big to just pop the corn.

ıǝɹɯɐı said...

If I realized the value of virginity much much earlier, I would've waited for the right one to come. True, 9 is waaaaaay too early.

savante said...

That's what I thought as well, tempus. Harder to explain to Harry though!

I couldn't believe it myself as well! 9?! Far too shocked to dig further on the subject.

P