Hundred for a Hello

Surprised by my unwelcome insertion into her weekly dinner party, Madame Borgia nonetheless persevered with polite conversation. Despite the fact that she gripped her eating utensils tightly whenever she glanced my way, our cultured Madame - no doubt a supplicant at the well-mannered altar of Emily Post - still managed a few civil observations.

Though I'm sure her murderous little hand itched to take the fork to her worthless ( prospective ) son-in-law's head. Namely me.

Of course Madame couldn't resist a little poke at me with a clever segue into how much doctors actually make.

Madame : Can you imagine how much a tummy tuck costs these days?
Paul : A few thousands in total, I should think.
Madame : Shameless! That's how much my eye bags cost! Shocking how much the doctors are charging these days!
Paul : Unconscionable! I should probably charge you for this consultation!
Madame : Oh you're hilarious!
Paul : That's a hundred for the laugh, madame!

I was this close to telling her that I'm charging pretty much the same. A hundred for a hello would be a reasonable approximation.

Medicine's getting increasingly expensive these days. Even I've balked over the medical fees charged by private practices. Just a few years back I recall my uncle heading for a sabbatical at a posh, gleaming 5-star Bangkok hospital only to emerge later much sadder, much poorer and appreciably short of a family sedan. That's how much it costs.

Of course the vast majority of the bill actually goes to the daily running of the hospital which isn't chump change. Room, board, IV drips, medications, the occasional multimedia system, the hand-and-foot massage - it can all come up to quite a substantial number. And after all that, an infinitesimal percentage still manages to trickle down into the pockets of the physicians. But exactly just how much does a doctor charge?


Paul : Damn. This is really boring. Should have gotten drunk and skipped class instead!
Ginny : Shhh! I wanna save lives.
Let me count the ways. Calculate the payback for the years of watching our more fortunate peers drive away in shiny BMWs - even after a considerable amount of goofing off in college - while we're still slogging over medical journals for our neverending exams. Five years of painful self-sponsored incarceration in the oppressed gulag called medical school. A decade of skipping parties, missed holidays and any semblance of a social life for excruciating dates with the books. Several weeks of sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair being tortured by cruel, heartless examiners during viva sessions.

And have you seen the costs of medical indemnity insurance recently?

Add all that up - and the exorbitant medical bill in front of you still comes short of the actual total.

Of course I never told my mother-in-law all that. No doubt the poor matron would be flummoxed by such a detailed explanation. An avid admirer of Emily Post myself, I just smiled and agreed.