I've actually been thinking of moving into one of the monstrous behemoths out there. Easy enough to just ring one of the dozens of real estate agents around - though not so easy to get through the entire morass of confusion, miscommunication and language blunders.
Agent : This one very good house. Cheap cheap.
Paul : Great to know.
Agent : Right next to main road. Good good.
Paul : How convenient.
Agent : And it has all the furniture.
Paul : Fully furnished. Trust me, I cannot miss it. Try as I might.
And you just can't miss it. Gleaming fuchsia panelling all over the living room with pink ornaments. The flashier, the shinier, the better. Seriously. Interior designers around the world, please seek your employ here. Nouveau riche Chinese towkays with land, bricks and cash aplenty to spare. Though very much lacking in style.
Come stay with us!
In fact I'm thinking of setting up shop myself. Can't be worse than the designers they have here already.
Agent : You like the house?
Paul : Everything's great. Except the window treatments.
Agent : Window treatments?
Paul : There are windows on all sides of the house. And they all have discoloured, broken plastic blinds.
Agent : You like the house?
Paul : Everything's great. Except the house is blue.
Agent : Nice colour ma?
Paul : Neon blue. It's like the Smurfs got butchered by Gargamel here!
Agent : You like the house?
Paul : Everything's great. Except the house is full of metal.
Agent : Very safe lo!
Paul : Aluminium everywhere! From the doorframes to the furniture. I'd have to wear shades just to come in. And the aluminium grill is in the shape of a Chinese word!
Agent : Lucky house wor!
Too big. Too small. Too blue. This is all starting to make me feel awfully like Goldilocks. With every house I was shown, something turned out horribly glaring in the interior design. From scary multicoloured horses tacked on pillars to peculiar diamond-shaped windows.
And no, my agent didn't look in the least bit like Ethan Ruan.
8 comments:
If they could they would have gold plated the metals...ala cinapek
Just pick one which is the best among the worst, you don't have much time left.
If they could paint the house gold and red without emulating a temple, they would, carpe diem :P
Nah, still have a few months actually, legolas.
P
I knew a well read doc like you would have good senses. Too blue, pink or red is sometimes No-No for good feng shui. I've seen several cases of cancer patients esp leukemia living inside pink rooms.
That pix, I watched the movies.. pretty nice though too long.. hahah~
let me know once u get one. i'll come bunk. self invited guest hahaha...
ps maybe you need to get in touch with yr "ah beng" side :P
I must go visit your current nest before u move out! I saw the pics. So cosy.
do enjoy the process of house hunting..haha..
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