That Damned Nuisance of a Conscience

I've always shared an empathy for the criminal classes. For the successful grifters, I only have admiration with a sly tinge of envy while for the more boneheaded ones, I can only pity the fools. But even the most idiotic thiefs manage a simple scam every once in a while - and I'll admit I've been the patsy once or twice. Furious I was, but even more furious that I've been conned.

And angry that the fools didn't consider robbing a bank instead.

Seriously. If I were to contemplate going bad, I might as well go all the way! No crappy halfsies for me. Since you're already breaking the law anyhow, why just snatch a lady's meagre purse - which in all probability could contain only a dollar or two - when with a little bit of foresight and planning, you could just grab the entire bank's hoard instead?

But then I figure such elaborate, technologically-advanced white collar crimes are far too subtle for our local thugs who prefer just a tad more explosives. Why bother constructing the perfect crime when you can just blow up an ATM machine with a bag of explosives and an hour's planning?

Don't worry. I don't have wicked heist schemes in my head just yet.


I did something bad, very very bad.
Unfortunately I still have that nasty bit called a conscience in my head.

Like today, I did something bad. Certainly nothing warranting a prison sentence but still, it's quite reprehensible. Enough to have stern moralists rally outside with pickets and pitchforks. Maybe an overzealous police officer or two.

And I had my troubling conscience immediately start nagging in the back of my head. Damn. Try as I might that little voice just never goes away, like the telltale heart. Worrying about the fellow I just wronged. Worrying about the long arm of the law.

Fucking damn. Without it I could have been a great criminal mastermind. Perhaps emulated the great Neal Caffrey in the White Collar. Hopefully without the painful embarassment of getting caught of course. All with my theme song by Eartha Kitt playing in the background.