Edward Eerie and the Mysterious Engagement

Unbeknownst to her, he watched her sleep from his usual perch by her bedroom window, his dark intense gaze coldly unblinking. Though he dare not speak of it, in his adoring eyes no one else in the world existed - not before not after - no one except for her. In the muted glow of twilight beneath the dappled shadows of the ancient raintree, his pale snow-white skin seemed almost eeriely luminescent.

Scenes from the infamous vampire stalker series perhaps?

People from all over the world travel to the city of Paris for love and romance. Rather than be wooed by a slick, silver-tongued Frenchman with baguettes, perfumes and couture, it seems Pirate Patty has returned from two weeks in la ville d'amour with a mustachioed stalker instead. Wonder if she could ask for a refund.

Almost five years ago to the date, our heroine Patty had a fateful meeting with Edward Eerie across an abandoned parking lot. Sparks flew, chemistry sizzled and it seemed things got a little hot and heavy in the beginning before... nothing. Turns out a couple of meetings was all it took to have Edward making a mysterious disappearing act.

Ever the pragmatic one, Patty chalked it up to commitment issues.


Edward : My unnatural heart beats for you.
Patty : Go beat somewhere else.
However this was no mere fleeting infatuation in his case. During the period of his hibernation ( six feet under? ) it seems our enigmatic Edward has been keeping the fires burning for his one and only true love. An ardent passion that seemed only too obvious when he finally resurfaced - quite as suddenly - in Patty's life.

Edward : My love, I have returned at last.
Patty : Umm. Do I know you?
Edward : You jest, I know. In your heart of hearts, you would always recognize me, your one and only soulmate.
Patty : Should I call the police?
Edward : It's me, your darling Edward!
Patty : Wait, didn't you fall off a cliff?
Edward : If I were to fall, it would be to fall helplessly into love, I swear. Our time together has been life-altering for me!
Patty : Time together? You mean the five minutes we just spent talking right now?
Edward : Oh yes, I shall treasure this cherished moment forever!

Only five minutes of uninspired greeting from his beloved was enough to stoke the smouldering embers of his all-consuming adoration. Wouldn't surprise me if there was an engraved engagement ring hidden in the folds of his tartan waistcoat.

And then Edward asks her to a wedding.

Paul : OMG. It's your surprise wedding.
Patty : No!
Paul : Your parents so married you off when you weren't looking. Did he ask you to wear white?
Patty : OMG!

Guess we're going to have a wedding soon.