Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Art of the Decline

Since my painfully forthright opinions are always clearly spelled out for everyone within hearing range - and apparently I have little to no reservations according to my friends, it isn't that hard to know what I'm thinking. Growing old has some of its perks - and flatly saying no has to be one of them.

In fact Charming Calvin seems to excel in the categorical no - just like the famed Grumpy Cat himself - though he obviously only uses that particular technique on me. Saying no to everyone else - which includes his formidable mother - is something he has yet to master however.

But the art of the polite decline is an acquired skill I assume we shall soon have to impart on the clearly unschooled debutantes in town. Especially since it's clear they show very little tact in declining an invitation.

Suitor : Are you around this weekend? 
Debutante : Yes. Don't have anything planned. 
Suitor : Could I take you out on a date? 
Debutante : Oh ...

( three minutes later )

Debutante : Oh...

( three days later )

Debutante : .Oh ..

And so the awkward silence continues till the dreaded date aforementioned has already long passed.

Suitor : Oh dear, I can clearly see that you're quite indisposed at the moment. 

Really like the song says, all I heard was crickets. Picture the crestfallen suitor standing by the public telephone anxiously watching the clock ticking. Maybe even with the rain pouring. Leaving him wondering if something untoward has happened.

Or whether he has just being friendzoned.

Which brings back awful, awful memories of watching my straight brethren schoolmates bravely attempting - and miserably failing - to court the curiously uncommunicative girls back in high school. The lady doth protest not at all, methinks! Think I speak for most men when I say fumbling an invitation and getting immediately shot down would be preferable to ... getting absolutely no reply at all.

Left hanging miserably in the wind.

Is it so difficult to say no? After the gentleman has foolhardily left his heart on the line, I find it quite inexcusable to leave such an overture unanswered. Perhaps an immediate refusal would leave a little chill in the relationship for a little while but at least there's that glimmer of hope for a subsequent resumption in relations.

However if you leave that question forever unanswered...

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