Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Outlandish Proposal

Poor fellows these days are under increasing pressure to dream up the perfect proposal to please their demanding ladies. Just a plain gold band offered on bended knee isn't going to impress the critical Miss Independents of today. Nothing seems to gratify them other than the most shockingly outlandish proposals from viral flash mob proposals to overpriced highway billboards screaming out marriage vows.

Let's be honest, most women just want bragging rights to say that their soon-to-be husband is wildly romantic and have her envious bosom buddies ( and most especially her frenemies ) squeal over it when she tells them how he proposed.

And then we have Virginal Vesper.

Vesper : I can't even look at you when I say it.
Paul : Couldn't have been that bad a proposal.
Vesper : Trust me, it was. What should I do?
Paul : Other than throw the ring at his face?
Vesper : There is no ring.
Paul : Now I know why you're at therapy.

After almost a decade of pining for the ring, her significant other finally gave in. But rather than opt for something wildly extravagant like a romantic carriage ride through the park, he proposed through instant messaging instead.

Till now we're not even sure if it's valid.

Vesper : He gave me a date, asked me I liked it.
Paul : A date for what?
Vesper : I have no idea. I think maybe a wedding?
Paul : Just like that! No whispers of sweet nothings? No vows and promises of love and commitment?
Vesper : No. Just a date and a message asking if it's alright.
Paul : I am a terribly unsentimental fellow with little need for grand gestures... but even I would have smashed the phone to little pieces.

Seriously what's wrong with some heterosexual men?

I fully understand that the wedding is only the beginning of a lifelong journey but surely even that deserves a bit of festive fanfare. Don't expect all that much but is it too much to ask for a candlelight dinner and some champagne? Sure it's a damned cliche but it's a far sight better than a 'hey why not we get married' proposal.

Might as well just head for the civil registry.

And most horrifyingly there's not even a ring. Even a cheap, tacky beer tab would have been better than nothing.


GVP said...

This kind of special occasion deserves be grandiose, indeed. A romantic dinner and sticking to the old classic proposal style are a bare minimum.
Just a typical date and ask? Rather despicably bizarre.
Wootz for smashing the phone!

Life for Beginners | Kenny Mah said...

SMS proposal? Better than an SMS divorce, surely? (Though both are equally tacky, I guess.)

savante said...

Wish she actually had smashed the phone, GVP! But VEsper is much too nice to do any such thing!

No idea when everyone actually decided that such lame proposals could be carried out, kenny!