Monday, February 12, 2018

Three Gay Uncles

Not so very long ago, the term confirmed bachelor was a delicate euphemism in polite conversation that hinted at a gentleman's sexual inclinations; no doubt followed by a loaded silence with a few discerning nods and even disappointed sighs by those in the know.

These days however, it's not that uncommon to find a confirmed bachelor in our midst. Though some might whisper about his inclinations, there would still be a shred of doubt since endless possibilities abound. Anything from a severe lack of dating opportunities to the prospect of a broken heart, and even asexuality could be a factor.

But what if there wasn't only one, not even two ... but three confirmed bachelors in one house? One, perhaps not. We all have that solitary relative who has remained firmly unattached. Two, hmm. But if there were three single unmarried men in one house?

And what if all three bachelor uncles were related closely to Diffident David?

Certainly lends an intriguing slant to the tale, no?

Paul : And you still think your mother doesn't know? 
David : No, she doesn't. 
Paul : With three gay uncles under one roof? 
David : They aren't gay. 
Paul : Have they dated any women? Are they dating any women? 
David : Not that I know of. 
Paul : Hmmm. So how would you know? 
David : They aren't. 

That's what everyone says before the closet door is flung open.

According to David, they are all eminently marriageable with decent wages, residences of their own and all three seem to be of sound mind and body. Surely there couldn't have been some severe calamity that rendered all three men in the family utterly incapable of coaxing even the most demurring female to accompany them all the way to the altar?

I'm not saying the three uncles have regular gay orgies on the weekends ( ooh la la! ) where gay incest is always on the table - a scandalous idea that horrified our prudish David - but even going by the simple laws of probability, it's quite possible one of the three could be gay.

With three unmarried men in the house, it's quite obvious the other relatives would have briefly entertained the possibility of homosexuality. Let's not kid ourselves, with the advent of television and media even the most isolated mountain villages have heard about gay pride and such.

Yes, even David's mother.

The appalling thought of which horrified our Diffident David into stupefied silence. Something to think about I guess.

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