The Third Party

Whenever we hear the faint, tantalizing whiff of scandalous adultery, for some unfathomable reason moralizing fingers are quick to point the blame wholly at the third party. Regardless of sexual orientation, that has remained the prevailing thought - that the scheming third party has maliciously slithered over from the foul depths to despoil the sacred sanctity of said marriage.

I however have always thought differently. If it's a consented monogamous relationship, I would censure the partner who strayed instead. Don't be so quick to rain derision and disdain on the femme fatale, or homme fatale as the case may be; we tend to forget the much maligned third party made no sweet promises to anyone involved.

However the unfaithful partner did repeatedly; and subsequently broke that solemn pledge.

So don't give me utter bullshit about being tempted to stray. Never fall on the lame, utterly cliched excuse of not being able to help it. Short of being locked up together in an elevator for days on end, there's always time and reason enough to nip that little illicit crush in the bud before anything wicked blooms.

So who's to blame now?

Turns out I'm in the ostracized minority here though since some of my friends are all too willing to blame an entire host of people before placing the responsibility solely on the two involved in the relationship.

Paul : If I remember correctly, by tradition the person who introduces the happy couple also gets a red packet. 
Barbara : Oh I wouldn't want to bear that responsibility. 
Paul : Responsibility? 
Barbara : Of matching people together? If it doesn't work out, won't they get the blame? 
Paul : For what? It's just telling two people they should meet. If they don't work their relationship out, they should just blame themselves.  

Ouch. When a relationship implodes, even the hapless matchmaker gets shot down in the devastating hail of blame. Who next? The bartender? The work colleague?

So who's to blame? 

Seriously though, where do we get this horrible idea of blaming everyone else for our own foolish mistakes before blaming ourselves first? Man up and take the shot. If we decide the relationship is failing, it's entirely our fault and no one else's. There's no attributing it to the neighbour, denouncing that third party and certainly never crucifying the matchmaker.

Face it, there's only the two of you in that relationship. Flounder or fly, it only depends on the both of you.