Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Pimple and the Preposterous

Remember that familiar gay fairy tale featuring our ever-anxious Cinderfella? The hapless apothecary's assistant who spends his time utterly preoccupied with conjuring every possible obstacle to a relationship; therefore inadvertently dooming it before anything begins? As it turns out, even his fairy godfathers are throwing up their manicured hands in despair!

Hard to blame them when such self-inflicted misfortunes emerge right after saying once upon a time! Dozens of eligible paragons have ridden by his lil shop; but while he shamelessly drools over their virile masculine beauty, he also desperately searches for inexplicably ludicrous reasons not to start the expected chase.

Godfather : Now there's a handsome prince sitting by the fountain just waiting for someone to come along. Well mannered, highly intelligent, generous to a fault etc. etc. etc.
Cinderfella : Oh he is terribly handsome for sure. But-
Godfather : But what? Surely there's nothing to lament over his exceptional looks! You could bounce a quarter off that tight ass!
Cinderfella : He has a pimple.
Godfather : What?
Cinderfella : Just behind his right ear. 
Godfather : You'd refuse a fellow because of a minuscule - most probably temporary - pimple behind his right ear. 
Cinderfella : Maybe?

And if it's not something negligible like acne vulgaris, it's something similarly inconsequential. The way he blinks, the way he sits, the way he laughs etc.  If there's even the tiniest bit of imperfection in a seemingly perfect prince, our overly critical Cinderfella would be sure to find it.

Even one upstanding prince charming Cinderfella stubbornly repudiated for having too many friends.

Prince : That wasn't a pimple dammit! It was the angle of the light!

Surely enough to drive any enterprising fairy godfather into furiously snapping his magic wand.

No doubt these trivial rejections on his part stem from a tragically evident fear of failure but knowing the reason doesn't make it any less maddening. Talk about obsessive nitpicking!Has he never heard the wise words of Sam Keen?

'We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.'


zerachiel said...

doesn't this guy have pimple issues as well ? like seriously, tell him to get a life....something is wrong with his brain...

Jaded Jeremy said...

Oh gosh, fussy-nya.