The Dark Side

All of us have our dark sides. Especially me. Perhaps in a past life I was a manipulative Roman matron scheming and plotting my way to power. I might even have been a Venetian noble planning the death of a promising rival.You all would love to see my evil side at work - and surprisingly it showed itself this evening at a convivial dinner.

Just three days ago, Big Bicep Barry asked for my help with one of his friends. Certainly not the first time I'd gotten medical referrals from a friend - and certainly not the last. :) Seems that the poor unfortunate had developed a skin reaction to a certain make up substance she was using. Although I'm no budding dermatologist and my knowledge of skin ailments are only based on vague memories of some long forgotten class in medical school, I managed to prescribe a proper salve that seemed to work. The girl hereby christened Bountiful Betty, was more than overjoyed that she hadn't turned into a disfigured monster of legend and despite my protests, only too glad to buy me dinner.

Still a free meal is always welcome for a starving, impoverished physician - and even more welcome when it comes as an invitation from the elusive Barry. However, the oblivious man certainly didn't give me time to prepare myself for Bountiful Betty.

When I saw him escort her into the restaurant, I was tempted to smack him aside his head for not giving me prior warning. Surely they were made for each other, an asian Barbie and Ken - now known as Betty and Barry - and I was this close to twisting their pretty toy heads off. The murderous intent showed clearly in my eyes - and the poor guy, no doubt reading my intent, stepped in front of Betty to save her from a thorough catwhipping. As close as I was to handing her torn off head to Barry on a silver platter ( hell I could take her! ), I knew I wouldn't be able to wrestle a musclebound Barry successfully so I refrained.

Hmm... naked wrestling. This needs a moment.

Of course dinner though went beautifully. I'm no uncouth savage - I can be as suave and personable as the next Don Juan if need be. After all, keep your friends close - but your enemies closer. :) Bountiful Betty couldn't be more charmed by the delightful doctor as her entire life story was revealed through a series of probing questions worthy of the Spanish Inquisition.

The whole time, Barry watched me closely, no doubt expecting me to leap over with a ferocious roar to bite her head off since it was obvious that he wasn't fooled by my seemingly harmless good nature. He should have been watching my knife instead since I was this close to butchering her in a gruesome bloodbath drenching the rest of the horrified restaurant patrons ( and a stunned Barry still reeling from the spatter with a slow drip of blood oozing down his forehead ) while laughing maniacally and then slicing her into small bite size pieces to forcefeed Barry. I'm kind and he needs to eat more meat.


Psycho Paul's coming after me next!
Cooking up numerous fatal eventualities for the poor innocent took up a significant part of my time as I delighted in her slow but terribly painful demise. There was a particularly wicked punishment that involved racks, electricity and... hell, I should stop talking about this since it makes me sound more than a little borderline psychotic. The one thing that stopped me from dreaming up even more delicious torture techniques was an unprovoked late night mesage from Barry. Terribly short but succinct.

Barry : She's only a friend.

I was partly mollified - and yet horrified that I'd given in to my baser instincts.

So evil enough for you?

.....

Just a short note totally unrelated to the maleficence above. I'm sending this post through some wireless network in a prominent coffee chain store. Surely another triumph for a technohimbo. Does the information just fly magically through the air into my computer? :O Isn't technology simply amazing? Soon they'll be sending virtual hunky boyfriends to me! :)