Red packets and loaded questions

It is the time of the year again when Chinese all around the world start going into a anal-retentive housecleaning frenzy - followed by a rabid shopping extravaganza that delights vendors and raises prices for every consumable item available ( and for the Chinese, that's actually anything and everything edible ). The Chinese New Year - or the Spring Festival as it's known in the mainland - is celebrated around the end of January / beginning of February and for all of us, it's a time to get together, get drunk, gamble and be merry as the year of the Rooster comes to an end - and the year of the Dog is ushered in.

Well, I don't gamble all that much but I'm good for the rest.

The evening before the real deal, it begins with the highlight of the festival which is the family reunion dinner and for single folks like me, it's a dangerous sprint through a gauntlet of red packets, sweet oranges and deceptively loaded questions. Beloved aunts and uncles turn into rabid Gestapo activists who fire interrogative missiles every few seconds on the state of your semi-permanent bachelorhood and all we can do is smile nervously as we try to dodge as much as we can. Some of our less agile cousins are thrown into the fray to be sacrificed under their persistent interrogation as we leap to safety over their fallen carcasses.

This year it's made worse by the fact that I'm not only older, I also have most of the prerequisites for marriage such as a steady job, a house and a car...( yes, this is a blatant hint so send naughty propositions! ) which makes me even more of a target than usual. The fact that a handful of my younger cousins have already gotten hitched ( with a baby in tow! ) only makes it worse. Is it any wonder that I'm usually the sponsor for the late midnight movies and Mamak that occurs later during the night? For me, that's the one and only escape I can get.

I mentioned this fact the other day to Big Bicep Barry and he just laughed.

Barry : Hey, don't complain, okay. I've been doing it longer than you.
Paul : How much longer exactly?
Barry : ( silence ) You're never finding out my age.
Paul : Fine. Be secretive. See if I care. I was gonna give you feng shui tips based on your astrology sign. Year of the Ox, you said?
Barry : Very funny.
Paul : So any tips on avoiding questions?
Barry : Get really drunk.

Well, that seems like a mighty good suggestion.

So this weekend, if you find my blog surprisingly not updated for a day or two, it's probably because I'm unable to find a serviceable computer with an internet connection ( quite entirely possible in my grandfather's ancient coffeeshop ) or I'm far too busy getting wasted on oranges and vodka ( what an oddly lethal combination ) to write anything barely coherent.

To all the Chinese celebrating, a happy Chinese New Year. And please don't forget my red packet. :) Hell, I'm still single. Sympathize and throw money.