Luxurious decadence

I think I've just enjoyed the most relaxing day ever.

It began beautifully with the sight of young, well-built boys sweating on a basketball court as they played sepak takraw - think volleyball with legs - below my balcony. It certainly increased my wicked appetite for succulent meat which was somewhat appeased during breakfast.


Swear from a distance they all looked like this...
After my light breakfast - thankfully provided the hotel, I had the most delicious spa treatment ever ( almost as good as sex ) where the plain but husky masseuse practically lulled me to sleep at times. Hate to disappoint you guys but he didn't resemble Chris Evans in the least but he had the most amazing hands - I would marry him for those hands alone! At the end of his indescribable magic, I could feel my bones practically melt onto the floor and it was all I could do to slide over into the tuk tuk for a ride to the mall.

Over at the mall I treated myself to a decadent chocolate orgy that would have obsessive dieters such as alfalfa munching vegetarian wannabe Big Bicep Barry going into an apoplexy of guilt. There's nothing quite as luxurious as drinking Godawful expensive but heavenly chocolate while lounging on a shady Balinese daybed generously provided with silk throw pillows. No one cooks - or provides impeccable service - as beautifully as the Thais do and even my lunch was an experience all by itself.

There were times that I wished I had someone to share with - but I've surely griped quite enough about my sorry single state. Watching Valentine banners go up everywhere over here with the ubiquitous farang / local SPG couple walking by made me feel a pang of envy. Some of the other Thais might look at such couples askance ( exploitation of their women and all that but not gonna get up on my soapbox today since my knees are still rubbery after the massage ) but there are times that I actually wished I was in their slinky, slutty stilettos. Not that I'm suddenly revealing a hitherto buried penchant for cross-dressing ( NEVER! ) but it would be nice to have a cute, sexy farang gaze into my eyes with such naked adoration. No matter how fickle or fleeting that feeling might be.

By the by, I'm gonna say something extremely shallow for a while. Some of the farangs are absofuckinglutely delicious but for some obscure reason, the SPGs by their side certainly didn't match their golden Caucasian godliness. Instead of the dark-eyed beauties we'd expect, they're usually paired with dumpy, flat-nosed wannabes straight out of the reject country farm. Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder but hell, even I look better with my hideous homely features.

That didn't spoil my mood in the least though since I was still in a massage / chocolate high and it certainly helped when something extremely odd and vaguely incestuous happened during dinner. Even with my hideous homely features, somehow when I'm abroad I get the occasional pheromone injection which renders me temporarily irresistible to some of my more susceptible victims. Witness my past Istanbul fling.

So what happens when an overly amorous cousin - let's call him Tipsy Tik - bends over at the end of dinner and slips you some tongue? Sure, I can be the physically affectionate sort but swapping spit with a cousin seems to spill dangerously over into the borders of incest. Doesn't it? Still, I was too stunned by his actions - and overcome by my earlier expiations that I didn't bruise his pretty chin ( yes, he did get both his - and obviously my share - of the sexy hot Thai boy looks ).

Still, it was kinda weird.